Last First Night
by Aquiel1
Summary: A night to remember, sparked by a memory of a time where 'a chance' was all they ever wanted.


Disclaimer: Jack and Gavin belong to Nine Star and Hal McElroy. The idea however, is mine.
The lyrics are from _A long december_ by The Counting Crows (written by Adam F. Duritz )
Warning: Definite sexual situations. Don't read if you can't/shouldn't/or don't want to.

_Last First Night_

By: Aquiel

_I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,  
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her _

She's been watching me all night. Everywhere I turn, I feel her eyes as they burn a hole through the back of my head. I'm not sure what she wants; I haven't asked her yet. 

I think she's drunk. No, I take that back, I _know_ she's drunk. Otherwise her glances, if any would be quick and insecure. Only now that she's had a few-they make her stronger, she thinks-only now does she risk the constant surveillance she's been undertaking. No worries of her co workers and friends, whispering behind her back; she's got an excuse. So, for the past forty minutes we've been dancing around each other. She'd look my way, I'd catch her eye, and we'd both look away.

I know something's happened between her and Jack. You don't work that closely with someone for that long and not know when something changes. She'll tell me when she's ready. I hope.

And all of a sudden, out of the din of the crowd, I hear her laugh. That wonderful sound fills my ears and I instinctively turn toward her. She'd been talking with Gavin and she laughs again as he hands her another beer. 

  


_All at once you look across a crowded room  
To see the way that light attaches to a girl _

  


But then she does something that surprises me. She looks my way, and instead of the game of tag we've been playing, she gives Gavin a pat on the shoulder and starts walking. She has a look of determination in her eyes I haven't seen in a long time. And it scares me. 

She's standing in front of me now, sipping her drink. Absently, she begins to brush the lint from the lapel of my black suit. "Did you really mean it?" she asks. She doesn't look up. For a moment I'm dumbfounded and when I don't answer, she looks up at me out of the corner of her eye. "About the coffee."

And instantly I'm flooded with memories of a day so many years ago. _"I'd even bring you coffee in the morning..."_ A joke, but not really. And you answered your phone, giving me one of 'those looks'. It was a defining moment in our relationship, or at least I thought so. 

And then I'm shaken from my reverie by the feel of your hands as they softly caress my cheek. They've apparently migrated from my coat. "Can I give you a drive home?" I whisper. Somewhere along the way my voice seems to have gotten lost. And she nods without speaking, links her arm with mine and we leave, oblivious to anything and anyone but each other.

~*~

_And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe  
Maybe this year will be better than the last  
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself  
To hold on to these moments as they pass _

~*~

  


It's a quick drive. We didn't speak; I drove and she sat to my left, her head resting against the seat. "Do you want..." she asks when we pull up to the house. I nodded, we got out and started walking. I picked up her shoe when it fell from her hand and she laughed when I stumbled; a private, magical sound that sends a shudder through my body even now.

She opened the door, turned to face me and in that instant, there was no one in the world but me and her. My jacket fell to the floor, and her shoes on top. I pulled at the front of her dress and when the arms came loose I was on her instantly.

My lips found their way to the hollow of her neck, to her breast and then back up again. She was moaning beneath me when I covered her lips with mine, fulfilling a dream I'd been saving since the day we first met.

But then she pushed me back and struggled to free me from my shirt. Her hands grasped the front and she fumbled with the buttons. "Need some help?" I joked and finished what she'd started. 

She didn't laugh. 

Her hands moved from my chest to my pants while I continued the ministrations on her neck, and all the while she was backing me up the stairs, determination and lust in her touch. And the intensity of it all scared me.

In her bed we reacted to all those years of un-realized tension and moments gone by. The passion and intense emotion found its way into our lovemaking and she feverishly laid claim to my body while I savoured the remnants of my dream. I knew it would never happen again. 

Whether she was trying to prove something to me, or herself, I don't know. Maybe she was trying to make up for what she had done with Jack. Or maybe she was really just drunk.

It wasn't long before our fast pace became almost overwhelming. And as I called out her name, I realized that all the while, she had been crying, her tears falling to my chest. At some disconnected moment much later she whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry."

"I know." I answered quietly and hugged her tighter. 

I brought her coffee in the morning.

~*~  
  


_A long December and there's reason to believe  
Maybe this year will be better than the last  
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving  
Now the days go by so fast _

~*~

  
  


She's watching me. She has been all evening. Every now and then our eyes would meet and I'd smile and raise my glass. And then she turns her attention back to the group and Jack hands her another beer.

_All at once you look across a crowded room  
To see the way that light attaches to a girl _  


It's getting late, and the combination of alcohol, memories and her are making me tired. But I can't break with tradition. She doesn't disappoint me.It isn't long before I hear her footsteps and I turn around and smile. She reaches up and runs her hand across the lapel of my suit. "Did you really mean it?"

I raise my eyebrow, feigning confusion. It's a game, we play it every year. "About the coffee." she says and I smile; a secret smile meant only for her. I raise my glass and brush it lightly against hers. "Wouldn't you like to know." I answer. And she grins, as we toast the beginning of a new year.

_And it's one more day up in the canyon  
And it's one more night in Hollywood  
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should_

  


Ende

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